#16 :peanut butter sandwiches
I hate feeling helpless.
I hate feeling like there is nothing I can “do” to make bad situations better.
When the nightmare of 9/11/01 happened, the feeling of overwhelm and panic was physically overwhelming. I didn’t know what to do to help the people who were suffering, grieving, helping, and shell-shocked.
I was one of them.
I felt an overwhelming urge to want to “help.”
In a bit of a daze, I walked down to the bodega in my midtown neighborhood and purchased 10 bags of bread and 2 massive jars of peanut butter. I threw more than enough money on the counter (no one was even manning the register) and grabbed a bunch of plastic knives on my way out the door.
I brought my items back to the apartment where several friends and neighbors had congregated. I laid out the bread and the peanut butter and the entire contents of our knife drawer and the plastic knives from the bodega.
We made peanut butter sandwiches for 5 days straight. We became a sandwich making machine. Once we had around 100 made and packaged up, someone would take them in a backpack to distribute to anyone who looked like they needed food.
We fed firemen.
We fed scared kids.
We fed weary, terrified people.
It felt like we were doing something to be helpful.
When it was my time to be the delivery gal, I took a backpack full of sandwiches and walked south on 9th. I found a group of cops and firemen who were sitting on the curb with their heads in their hands. One mentioned that they had been awake for over 30 hours.
I handed them sandwiches.
One of the firemen joked, “seriously? no jelly?” and we all laughed too hard at his joke. I smiled at him and said “I’ll talk to the chef.”
It was a tiny, normal moment in a crazed, terrifying situation. Like being able to take a long exhale after holding your breath, the shared moment felt like relief.
Ever since 2001, when the world is crazy and I feel helpless, I make pb (and jelly!) sandwiches.
The instinct to “do” something to help is strong and primal in me. Being a helper is how I was raised. It is how I am wired. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn that some things can’t be easily helped. Some situations are too messed up and complex to do a whole lot to help.
Sometimes a hug or a smile or a sandwich is the best thing you can do.
I don’t know what is happening in the world right now. Our political landscape is divided and people are again feeling scared and unsure of their footing.
Today, I am making sandwiches to take to people who are protesting peacefully in my city and cities across the country. It is our right and our freedom to peacefully protest, and it is one of the things that makes our country great.
I love my country, I love my fellow Americans, and I believe in the power of “doing something” to create the change you want to see in the world.
Don’t just sit by and watch.
Do something.
Do something to help someone. It can be small.
You might be surprised at how good it feels.
